This is where I fall
by Blue the Daydreamer
Summary: You look so hopeless that it is hurting me when I know that I cannot fulfill your plea. You repeat your prayer, but now your voice is so frail that I can hardly hear it. (HetaOni oneshot)


I sit in my hiding spot behind the bookshelves and listen unceasingly my ambience. My hearing has sensitized so highly, responsive as it can be, like my other senses. My raspy breathing, overwrought heartbeats, and that sought in my head fill the silence. There is blood's scent in the air.  
I am trying to stop my wound from bleeding by pressing my white flag against it - you know, that one which I am always carrying with me. It's cloth is dyed to dark red but I do not care. However, I will not need it in this hopeless place that does not show any mercy.  
I am so tired and exhausted. I am snuggling up myself, trembling a bit because of the cold; trying to fight against the fatigue, even when my eyelids feel heavy. I do not even have enough strength to cry. Not like that it would help me.  
I lift my face up and pray in the way that they have taught as early as that when I was a little child:

"Kyrie eleison."

I am trying to stay conscious even though I know that I cannot defend myself if _it_would come here. Once again I feel so weak and useless.  
Just when my eyelids are going to shut and I am going to give in, you come. How long have you looked for me? Minutes, hours, or days? I cannot even be sure about how the time passes here. You do not see me - I am hiding after all - and you are calling my name out loud. I am trying to answer, but though my lips are moving, any voice is not coming out. You notice me and run at me. I see that you are out of breath, but still you nonetheless raise me from the floor into your arms, being careful with my wound. I say that I am all right, although I am not sure am I trying to convince you or myself by that.  
You start to carry me to the others. You are trying to make me believe that everything will be fine but I see instantly that you do not believe it even yourself. Usually you are realistic and truthful but now you are fooling both of us. I guess that you still cannot be blamed about that.  
At last, your strength runs out and you sit down, resting against the wall. I have nestled up into your lap and you are embracing me protectively. I push my head against your chest and I hear your apologies. It is wrong. I am the one who should beg forgiveness. This all is my fault.  
I feel that a teardrop falls on my cheek. Am I crying? Soon I realize that it was yours. I have never seen you crying. Why I am not able to cheer you up when you need it most? Why I am this worthless?

Your eyes remind me of someone. When I am thinking of who, I notice only that my breathing is becoming more and more broken. Will I die here? You feel so warm. That would not be the first time when I have fallen asleep on your lap. I am so weary that I could sleep eternally. If I die, would it stop chasing you? If I die, would I die as a hero, as your saviour? Would I die as beneficial and needed..?  
I awake when you are shaking me and calling my name. There is something familiar in the way that you say it. If I only could figure out what… You look deadly serious, but in different way than usually. You say something that I was never supposed to hear:  
"Please, do not die."  
You look so hopeless that it is hurting me when I know that I cannot fulfill your plea. You repeat your prayer, but now your voice is so frail that I can hardly hear it.  
You take my cold hands to your own and stare deep into my eyes. That situation seems so familiar. Before this I would not believe that I could have deja vu at time like this. Well, I would not believe even that I would be in a place like this.  
You stoop towards my face and I feel how your lips are pressing against mine. Your kiss is careful and shy, just like my first…

_"No matter how many centuries go by, I will always love you more than anyone in the world."_

It is silly that I did not understand it before. Now when you are there just like that, you look just like him. Also you seem that you have figured out something. This is one of those moments when we do not need words. It is luck because I do not have enough strength to talk so much anymore.  
This happened so late, way too late. But I am glad that it happened. I smile serenely and feel how your tears drop on my face again.  
"Please, do not cry," I ask you with my last strength that is left.  
"I will wait. I will always wait. Do not get hurt or sick. We will see each other again, we really will…"  
I feel how my heartbeats are fading and breathing is becoming impossible. My sight is misting. So, _this is where I fall_. I close my eyes and take my final breath.

"No matter how many centuries go by, I will always love you more than anyone in the world."


End file.
